3 Mistakes Beginners Make Learning to Meditate
We hear it almost daily. We know there’s something to it. We try it out for a day or two, maybe a week.
“It kinda works, I guess” we think, and mean to do it again tomorrow, but things come up.
Pretty soon it’s become something we had tried but maybe it’s not for us.
Meditation.
Maybe it’s for those other people who are manifesting and doing yoga poses on Instagram. But for us regular folk, maybe not.
Fact is, a 9-5 gig with an hour commute each way, a couple of kids needing homework help and a kick in the arse to get off the phones, laundry that never ends, and all this talk of maybe a recession coming…
Who’s got the time, really?
It’s those four little words that put me on a bit of a mission lately. Having the mindset of not having the time to do something that has so much benefit to your overall wellbeing is as counter thinking as not sweeping the floor because it’ll only get dirty again anyway.
It just makes sense.
There’s a saying that I like to pass on…If you don’t have 10 minutes to meditate each day, then you probably need 20. Meaning you must have a pretty hectic life if you couldn’t spare 10 minutes. With a life that busy, then for sure you’d a prime candidate to benefit from meditation.
According to a study published in Science Direct in Jan. 2019, after 8 weeks at just 13 minutes a day of meditation “decreased negative mood state and enhanced attention, working memory, and recognition memory as well as decreased state anxiety scores”.
My big message I like to provide is that at the expense of 13 minutes a day, the changes in your state of mind that will dramatically be improved will, in ways, pay you back those 13 minutes simply in clarity to make decisions faster and better. Being centred in who you are and clear about how your day will go is a big dividend return.
In general, a good place to start would be just 5 minutes per day until it becomes more of a habit instead of a chore. Once you’ve got some consistency going work your way up to 20-30 minutes per day. As it does take some of the initial time to get your breathing and heart rate dialled in, longer sessions will ultimately provide more bang for your buck. There seems to be this threshold of diminished returns after this 13 minute mark, meaning you’ll still get benefit after those 13 minutes, but the rate of increase in benefit just isn’t as great as it was during the first 13 minutes.
How should I sit?
If you were to do a Google search of meditation and click on “images”, most likely you’re going to see people sitting on the floor or a pillow with legs crossed. Sometimes just simply crossed in front, but some strive for sitting in the lotus position.
At the beginner phase, I strongly urge you not to have attaining this position as a goal of yours. The main reason this position is done is to restrict blood flow through the lower body by digging your heels into your pelvic area in such a way as to pinch off the flow a bit. With this being an advanced technique, feel free to just admire the level that some folks have reached in those pictures and return back to your goals. Keeping it simple will be key
For beginners, sitting comfortable is all that matters. In a chair, at your desk, the couch, a park bench, whatever you like. I will mention that doing it laying in bed will more often than not lead to a surprise nap when you get to the 30 minute threshold, so let’s avoid that shall we. Arms and hands are also dealers choice. Whichever spot feels good.
The thing we want to avoid is sitting in a way that will cause any stiffness or uneasiness after a few minutes. This will only distract you to the point of shifting your posture back and forth, thus losing focus on your breathing.
As for your eyes, I recommend keeping them closed if for only reason as to avoid the possibility of something passing by your window or view to catch your gaze and distract you. Also, as your progress your meditation journey, there will be further reasons for closing your eyes to add benefit.
I try to clear my thoughts, but they keep coming back.
Now we’ve come to the old chicken before the egg scenario. Cart before the horse, if you will.
Probably the biggest mistake beginners make, and subsequently the reason for discontinuing the practice, is the idea that the goal is to sit and not have any thoughts coming in. Thinking of a zero thought session as the goal is a downfall from the beginning.
Firstly, let’s realise that thoughts ARE in fact going to come. They’re going to happen and it’s completely natural and expected.
Okay, so now that we know thoughts are going to happen and we are okay with it, what should we do with them? This is now the bread and butter of the mediation practice. This is the exercise. It’s like the repetitions you do when doing dumbbell curls. Similar to when you pick up the dumbbell at the gym, you know that you’re going to do 12 repetitions, maybe 15. In similar fashion, when you sit to meditate, you know you’re going to probably have 12 thoughts come floating in, maybe 15. Anything from your grocery list to the actual fact that you’re meditating. Thoughts of all sorts will percolate up looking for a place to land.
As the thought comes, your usual process would be for your mind to follow the thought on through to another thought and another, eventually down a rabbit hole nowhere near where you started. We do it all day.
This time, however, our goal is, once we notice that we are having a thought, don’t follow it. Acknowledge it as a natural part of your mind and then let it go. Let it dissipate. Once you’ve let it move on without following it, you’ll be now back to centre and ready for another.
Congratulations, you just did one repetition. You’re off to a fab start!
Changing this mindset from needing to get a clear mind to knowing the practice is in the clearing of the mind is so foundational, it’s the biggest change that, if made, will get you to the point of probably continuing with this practice.
There are many more items we could discuss as the what not to do’s, but those as well have diminishing returns. I don’t wish to dazzle you with a mountain of information and studies. Keeping this list to three will allow you to not feel overwhelmed. If you can get these three points worked out and part of your default mode, anything else would be just fine tuning.
If you’d like to learn more about what’s going on inside your body while meditating, I’ve written a piece about the science of it you can read…How Meditation Actually Works.
After your meditation sessions you’ll find yourself more relaxed than before for a little while. Eventually, however, the stresses of life will come knocking again. Such is the way.
As your practice becomes more ingrained into your being, however, these calm moments will last longer and deeper. Eventually, a lot of the things that would have bothered you at the drop of a hat a while back will become small items easily pushed aside and shrugged off.
Those are the times where we see the actual benefits of meditation, now while sitting cross legged and breathing out one nostril.
